uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize