CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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