why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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