I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
