my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
