Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
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I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
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I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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