he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
