she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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