I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
