He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
