I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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