after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
