PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
