Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
