And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
