I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize