Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
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She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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