Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
