You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
