We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
