wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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