i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
