Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
