Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
