I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
