You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
FUCK WHALES
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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