I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
