i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
