I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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