i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
