Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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