she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
