duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
