So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
50% drunk capacity currently
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
