im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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