i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
