We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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