remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
