I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
