If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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