so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
