Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
