do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
