I'm sorry my penis didn't work
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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