I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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