After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i used baking grease as lip gloss
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
