there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
