I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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