you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
