Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
