It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
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When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
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If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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