oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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