watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he told me I talked like a deaf person
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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