The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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