and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
