Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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