my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
