A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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