omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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