Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
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Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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