her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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