what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
there is glitter all over my balls
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
