I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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