I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
