Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
