If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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