I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
