Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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