I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
