What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
