I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
