i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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